Now while I know several Fil-Am couples who met in the “real world,” either in the Philippines or in the guy’s home country, these are rare outliers and most “normal” couples today meet using the clean and modern method known as online dating. Of course the term is a bit of a misnomer since, while you may be communicating, you are not dating at least in old fashioned terms. On second thought maybe you are truly dating; except the parlor’s now a chat room, the chaperone is the admin of the dating site, the date itself is via cam, the initial dates are traditional and sexless – although I disproved that in my upcoming post, Cam Boy (stayed tuned).
I’ve had the opportunity to talk about my online experiences with several guys and most of them are still speaking to me, so here in no order of importance are Dave’s Online Dating Tips . Perhaps if we ask nicely or beg loudly, Janet will someday share her online dating tips for Filipinas.
I should as always emphasize that these were my methods and my experience only, so guys try not to whine that the girls online are all scammers and girls, let’s not pretend that you weren’t online checking out foreigners.
Tip 1 – Sign up and break out your credit card: That’s right, prove from the get go that you are an affluent kano. While there are several well-known free dating sites catering to Asian women, pay your money and go to one of the real, i.e. pay dating sites. I’m all for living on the cheap, but if you aren’t willing to pay the monthly fee, you’re never going to pay to go to the Philippines to meet her – so quit while you’re ahead.
Tip 2 – Don’t make your profile the same as you would for Match.com or eharmony: Filipinas are not interested in your political leanings (they wouldn’t know a leftist from a right winger and think Tea Party is, well – a tea party). Nor are they interested that despite the fact you’re a cop, you’re really a closet feminist. Your Proust collection will elicit blank stares and your fondness for old Bogey and Bacall films might not impress a Filipina as much as you hoped.
Your Proust collection will elicit blank stares and your fondness for old Bogey and Bacall films might not impress a Filipina as much as you hoped.
What did I do? I posted several pics that displayed a neat and clean, if aged, man. A couple showed me traveling, giving the girls the impression that I might actually one day show up in the Philippines. I emphasized my maturity. In the West this is considered boring and counter-productive; I’d be much better off coming across as a 61-year old bad boy. In fact on my Match.com pic I wore a leather jacket, though I can’t ride a motorcycle to save my life. But in the Philippines women are actually hoping you will be an adult. If you’re not used to this – try faking it.
Tip 3 – Age: Like all dating sites, the Fil-Am sites have you not only specify your age but allow you to select your age preferences in women and also allow you to see what range of ages she selected as her preference. Don’t be surprised when you see that many of the girls chose 18-80. It just indicates they’re very very broad minded. OTOH, if you’re 81, you’re on your own.
Important note: Unlike on Western dating sites it’s a great strategy to post your actual age! I know, I know – it sounds nuts – but Filipinas want to know your actual age and will not be put off that you’re old enough to have actually seen Hendrix in concert, other than they won’t know who Hendrix is, which will make you sound mature and wise as you teach her.
As to your stated preferences – it really doesn’t matter, in that you can select 25-35 or 20-50, but you will still be contacted by 18 and 19 year olds. That wasn’t my interest when I was online but I certainly had several fun chats before reluctantly (very reluctantly) turning the girls down. BTW, if you do have an interest in the 18-years olds, you will need some foolproof method to verify her age, probably involving DNA or bone marrow scans, since most won’t actually be 18 yet and Philippines prisons are not the enlightened penal institutions we have here in the U.S. If you’re as old as me, just imagine your favorite scene from Midnight Express and you’ll get the picture.
Tip 4 – Clean out your email inbox: I received 100 emails and smiles the first day I signed up and about 1,000 during the first month. The sheer numbers will overwhelm you and you will need a good system to determine your requirements and eliminate the also rans. My system was a simple yet effective one; I eliminated every girl with an i or an o in her first name. Ok, seriously, my requirements were pretty simple: college educated, non-smoker, single, childless. I also required her to be black haired and cute; those were easy to find.
Regarding “single.” This is a key word in the Philippines. A girl will write on her profile or tell you that she is “completely single.” This at first confused me; what’s partially single, I wondered? Well the problem is that since there is no legal divorce in the Philippines, a girl can be “single” but in fact still married. She also can be single, but have 3 Filipino boyfriends. Worse still, she can actually be “completely single” but fail to mention that she is not “completely a girl.”
Tip 5 – Chat with many girls and video cam: You must see each other on cam. For me this was a requirement and frankly a great pleasure. Filipinas know this and so either she will have a cam, she will have access to a cam at school or work, she will cam in an Internet Cafe, or her boyfriend will have a cam. I would recommend eliminating girls in the latter category.
Initially, chat with many girls. This will get you used to the culture and cultural barriers, the language, what Filipinas are looking for, and teach you what qualities you like in a Filipina woman. Also it’s a hell of a lot of fun and is guaranteed to take over your life for a while. Don’t settle on the first cute girl who calls you guapo. They’re all cute and they will all call you guapo. Be selective and go for what you truly want. You don’t have to compromise just for a pretty face or hot body, since most will have a pretty face and a hot body; that’s just standard operating equipment in the Philippines.
Now eventually she will try to get you to eliminate your other chatmates (aka, the competition). Resist this urge until you are really sure she is the one you want to focus on.
Tip 6 – Make a list: I made a list of my favorite 20 girls of the over 50 I was chatting with. Basic stuff: name, city, what college she went to, what job, etc. I learned this the hard way, making mistakes, usually late at night when I was tired. A nurse named Cathy may be offended that you’ve confused her with Cathy who’s a “cashier” at a club in Angeles City.
Note: If the words “bar fine” come up in a chat – run! This does not mean she is a liquor enforcement officer.
Speaking of late at night, when a cute girl would buzz me at 2:00 AM – I answered her immediately and so should you. What the hell else did I have to do?
Tip 7 – Spotting Bad Girls: Rule number one should be simple. If a girl you are chatting with asks you for money – dump her. Of course, your wife might be an exception to this rule.
The bad girls can be very clever. One may wait several or even many chats before asking for money. She will tell you she needs money for school, her lolo is sick, or there is some family emergency. I was asked on a couple occasions for money to buy a new web cam, and promised a cam show to reward my generosity. It makes no sense why the guys don’t immediately dump the girl when such a request comes in, but in some cases the guy is already hooked. But again, I emphasize – be brutal. The moment the request comes in, you get out.
Remember, girls will be doing the same thing you are doing; that is chatting with many men. So don’t be fooled when she says you’re the only one. But, don’t necessarily hold this against her. Like you, she’s hedging her bets. On the other hand, if she’s chatting with many other men and you’ve already married her, you might have a problem.