Cherry Blossoms Profile

How to Meet a Filipina – Online Dating Tips #1

Now while I know several Fil-Am couples who met in the “real world,” either in the Philippines or in the guy’s home country, these are rare outliers and most “normal” couples today meet using the clean and modern method known as online dating. Of course the term is a bit of a misnomer since, while you may be communicating, you are not dating at least in old fashioned terms. On second thought maybe you are truly dating; except the parlor’s now a chat room, the chaperone is the admin of the dating site, the date itself is via cam, the initial dates are traditional and sexless – although I disproved that in my upcoming post, Cam Boy (stayed tuned).

I’ve had the opportunity to talk about my online experiences with several guys and most of them are still speaking to me, so here in no order of importance are Dave’s Online Dating Tips . Perhaps if we ask nicely or beg loudly, Janet will someday share her online dating tips for Filipinas.

I should as always emphasize that these were my methods and my experience only, so guys try not to whine that the girls online are all scammers and girls, let’s not pretend that you weren’t online checking out foreigners.

Tip 1 – Sign up and break out your credit card: That’s right, prove from the get go that you are an affluent kano. While there are several well-known free dating sites catering to Asian women, pay your money and go to one of the real, i.e. pay dating sites. I’m all for living on the cheap, but if you aren’t willing to pay the monthly fee, you’re never going to pay to go to the Philippines to meet her – so quit while you’re ahead.

Tip 2 – Don’t make your profile the same as you would for Match.com or eharmony: Filipinas are not interested in your political leanings (they wouldn’t know a leftist from a right winger and think Tea Party is, well – a  tea party). Nor are they interested that despite the fact you’re a cop, you’re really a closet feminist. Your Proust collection will elicit blank stares and your fondness for old Bogey and Bacall films might not impress a Filipina as much as you hoped.

Chilling in Cancun
Chilling in Cancun made me look sophisticated and like I might be able to afford the flight to Cebu

Your Proust collection will elicit blank stares and your fondness for old Bogey and Bacall films might not impress a Filipina as much as you hoped.

What did I do? I posted several pics that displayed a neat and clean, if aged, man. A couple showed me traveling, giving the girls the impression that I might actually one day show up in the Philippines. I emphasized my maturity. In the West this is considered boring and counter-productive; I’d be much better off coming across as a 61-year old bad boy. In fact on my Match.com pic I wore a leather jacket, though I can’t ride a motorcycle to save my life. But in the Philippines women are actually hoping you will be an adult. If you’re not used to this – try faking it.

Tip 3 – Age: Like all dating sites, the Fil-Am sites have you not only specify your age but allow you to select your age preferences in women and also allow you to see what range of ages she selected as her preference. Don’t be surprised when you see that many of the girls chose 18-80. It just indicates they’re very very broad minded. OTOH, if you’re 81, you’re on your own.

Important note: Unlike on Western dating sites it’s a great strategy to post your actual age! I know, I know – it sounds nuts – but Filipinas want to know your actual age and will not be put off that you’re old enough to have actually seen Hendrix in concert, other than they won’t know who Hendrix is, which will make you sound mature and wise as you teach her.

As to your stated preferences – it really doesn’t matter, in that you can select 25-35 or 20-50, but you will still be contacted by 18 and 19 year olds. That wasn’t my interest when I was online but I certainly had several fun chats before reluctantly (very reluctantly) turning the girls down. BTW, if you do have an interest in the 18-years olds, you will need some foolproof method to verify her age, probably involving DNA or bone marrow scans, since most won’t actually be 18 yet and Philippines prisons are not the enlightened penal institutions we have here in the U.S. If you’re as old as me, just imagine your favorite scene from Midnight Express and you’ll get the picture.

Tip 4 – Clean out your email inbox: I received 100 emails and smiles the first day I signed up and about 1,000 during the first month. The sheer numbers will overwhelm you and you will need a good system to determine your requirements and eliminate the also rans. My system was a simple yet effective one; I eliminated every girl with an i or an o in her first name. Ok, seriously, my requirements were pretty simple: college educated, non-smoker, single, childless. I also required her to be black haired and cute; those were easy to find.

Regarding “single.” This is a key word in the Philippines. A girl will write on her profile or tell you that she is “completely single.” This at first confused me; what’s partially single, I wondered? Well the problem is that since there is no legal divorce in the Philippines, a girl can be “single” but in fact still married. She also can be single, but have 3 Filipino boyfriends. Worse still, she can actually be “completely single” but fail to mention that she is not “completely a girl.”

Tip 5 – Chat with many girls and video cam: You must see each other on cam. For me this was a requirement and frankly a great pleasure. Filipinas know this and so either she will have a cam, she will have access to a cam at school or work, she will cam in an Internet Cafe, or her boyfriend will have a cam. I would recommend eliminating girls in the latter category.

Initially, chat with many girls. This will get you used to the culture and cultural barriers, the language, what Filipinas are looking for, and teach you what qualities you like in a Filipina woman. Also it’s a hell of a lot of fun and is guaranteed to take over your life for a while. Don’t settle on the first cute girl who calls you guapo. They’re all cute and they will all call you guapo. Be selective and go for what you truly want. You don’t have to compromise just for a pretty face or hot body, since most will have a pretty face and a hot body; that’s just standard operating equipment in the Philippines.

Now eventually she will try to get you to eliminate your other chatmates (aka, the competition). Resist this urge until you are really sure she is the one you want to focus on.

Tip 6 – Make a list: I made a list of my favorite 20 girls of the over 50 I was chatting with. Basic stuff: name, city, what college she went to, what job, etc. I learned this the hard way, making mistakes, usually late at night when I was tired. A nurse named Cathy may be offended that you’ve confused her with Cathy who’s a “cashier” at a club in Angeles City.

Note: If the words “bar fine” come up in a chat – run! This does not mean she is a liquor enforcement officer.

Speaking of late at night, when a cute girl would buzz me at 2:00 AM – I answered her immediately and so should you. What the hell else did I have to do?

Tip 7 – Spotting Bad Girls: Rule number one should be simple. If a girl you are chatting with asks you for money – dump her. Of course, your wife might be an exception to this rule.

The bad girls can be very clever. One may wait several or even many chats before asking for money. She will tell you she needs money for school, her lolo is sick, or there is some family emergency. I was asked on a couple occasions for money to buy a new web cam, and promised a cam show to reward my generosity. It makes no sense why the guys don’t immediately dump the girl when such a request comes in, but in some cases the guy is already hooked. But again, I emphasize – be brutal. The moment the request comes in, you get out.

Remember, girls will be doing the same thing you are doing; that is chatting with many men. So don’t be fooled when she says you’re the only one. But, don’t necessarily hold this against her. Like you, she’s hedging her bets. On the other hand, if she’s chatting with many other men and you’ve already married her, you might have a problem.

 

9 thoughts on “How to Meet a Filipina – Online Dating Tips #1”

  1. Oh oh ,,,I never thought of asking you, what number did I belonged on your list? That was a challenging “competition” I supposed.:))
    You’re smart & knew specifically what really you want in a woman – to be your wife .Not in a rush.

    You’re lucky. You won my heart & cherished every single moment to make our life together a precious one !

    1. Janet – you were definitely on the list from when we met and quickly moved up and up. Yes, it was good we were not in a rush and can now cherish all those moments together. The list is now a list of 1!

  2. Great tips Dave! I had a very similar experience on my foray into that world. I did meet my ex on CB, we were together a couple of years with multiple reciprocal visits but then she dropped the bombshell: She knew from the start I didn’t want anymore kids but then it started. Arlyn had a 3yo lad we we first started seeing each other, I was happy with that and she assured me she was happy with not wanting anymore of her own. I stuck to my guns though, as hard a decision as it was for me, and we parted ways, but as friends. I miss the little fella a lot but when I’m in Luzon we go up and visit them; Arlyn and Aines (my fiance) are now fast friends too (much to my misfortune sometimes when they compare notes!). Before Aines and I were together, Arlyn actually helped me screen candidates on CB lol, yes I trust her that much. I met Aines through a convoluted and very happy accident that you may have heard. As to scammers? I did run into a few, but much like you I learnt very quickly how to spot them. Arlyn is now happily married to another Australian and about to have their second child. It all could’ve ended very badly but turned out for the best in the end.

    1. Nice story, Brett. I too had a friend (though not a gf) I met on CB. She had no knowledge of men and she would ask me often what men meant when they said a certain thing. She met one or two bad guys and I steered her away. Finally met and good guy and married him. When I met Janet I asked her to friend Janet and tell me what she thought. I felt I needed another set of eyes (a Filipina set) and she confirmed what I believed about Janet and now they are friends, as well.

  3. Dave,
    I disagree with you on Tip 1. I found my wife on a free site and visited her in the Philippines 4 months later. That’s the best decision I made in my life. I think its smart if you can meet someone nice and not have to pay for a membership.

    1. Glad you found the right one for you, PapaDuck. And of course all sorts of sites have ended up producing great marriages, even the Western sites like match and eharmony. But I would still maintain that overall there are better success ratios on a pay site like Cherry Blossoms over DIA, for instance. But I have no stats to back that up. Remember, I’m a wiseass – I don’t need facts 🙂

  4. Interesting post. I’ve heard these kinds of things from many people, but have not experienced it myself. Generally, I’ve found girls on these dating sites to not be serious about dating. Many of them seem to say things like “I’m just here because I’m bored” or “I’m just looking for friends.” Strange. I’ve also chatted with girls that had friends around and I basically felt like I was the entertainment and nothing more.

    Maybe because I’m a fairly good-looking guy in my 20s? Maybe they think I’m BSing them? Don’t know.

    Sure, I have some girls that I’ll be meeting. But it’s definitely not how most seem to describe it: I can’t just point out a girl on a dating site that fits my criteria and be like “That’s the one!” and get her. Or, at least, if I could do it, I haven’t found out how to yet.

    In fact, I’d say that, so far, I’ve been doing just as well as I do in the US (except the rejections are a bit different here…most girls will respond. They just won’t cam or meet up with me at specific times or show much interest when they respond).

    I haven’t hit the ground yet though. I’m convinced I’ll be successful once I’m able to stay there somewhat long-term and cold approach.

    Also, as an aside, I am looking for something serious and not sex. I don’t even mind waiting until marriage to have sex to make sure we’re compatible.

    So, basically, this is just a counter-perspective to the one written above and the ones that seem to be the general consensus online…

    1. Johnny – it is very hard to generalize, although we men like to do it. Certainly it depends on the online sites you are on and the girls you are talking with. Like anywhere, some are just bored and lonely and want to talk, some legitimately dream of finding the right man.

      While all my suggestions were a bit tongue in cheek, they are also accurate. There are many fine women in the Philippines, though far from all. Your perspective may or may not change when you hit the ground. And yes, as a young and decent looking guy, you may be finding that women are skeptical of whether you will really come to the Philippines.

      When I first came I told all the girls I was chatting with what my schedule was. But many did not believe me. When I arrived and they were able to see on Yahoo Messenger (more popular than Skype back then) that I was actually messaging from within the Philippines many got excited and wanted to meet. I reminded them that I had told them I was coming.

      If you are as you say, serious about finding a good one, you certainly can. Take your time. DOn’t fall in love with the 1st one. Don’t laugh – it’s easy to do. Have fun and good luck!

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