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Once again a guy posted, wondering if women from the Philippines are submissive. He wants a humble, feminine and submissive woman. I get what he means and I suspect in this instance he was sincere. But I told him that in my experience while many Filipinas I know are humble and feminine they are about as submissive as rabid pit bulls.
I get it – it’s a stereotype – the docile Asian woman. It gets particularly tricky since the word submissive has multiple connotations, one or two of which are kind of fun.
But I think in this instance the connotation was that many men, whether we admit it or not, would sometimes like to be the boss in their relationship. I’m not going to rail on feminism but as far as I can tell the last American guy who was “the boss” was Tony Danza. Sorry, it’s an old reference, but then I’m an old guy:)
I’m not going to rail on feminism but as far as I can tell the last American guy who was “the boss” was Tony Danza.
There’s no question that there are some Western men who are creeps and want a combination of servant and sex slave. These are to be avoided by Filipinas and kanos alike.
But for many of us, we left previous marriages feeling battered and defeated, unable to make marriage work either though old- fashioned “hey Edith, get me a beer” methodologies or by trying to embrace modern gender re-balancing.
The Philippines is in some ways like being transported to the 50s. For me, I thought the modern, new age, we’re all equal, is what I wanted; that is until I first went to the Philippines. I found that I liked women who wanted to look good to attract men. I liked the girls throwing out flattering lies. I liked the family dynamic and the slightly conservative culture, which was inconsistent with my political or social views. And of course, mostly I liked Janet.
Let me tell you just how submissive Janet is. I have mentioned a couple of times that Janet was promoted at her job and I am very proud of her. The other day at work one of her superiors walked by her with a quick order for her to instruct her employees to improve their attitude towards customers “or else”. He kept on walking. Janet was infuriated by his condescending and threatening tone toward her. She came home and vented and threw out a couple of threats herself. Fortunately we don’t own a bolo.
The next day she went to the Store Manager and complained. I think some tears were thrown in for good measure. He promised to have the manager in question apologize to her. She said that wasn’t good enough. “He must apologize to my whole department.” The Store Manager repeated that he would straighten it all out.
A couple days later the offender asked to speak to Janet and called her into his office. I am sure he will regret this for a long time. He apologized to the max as she yelled at him. Ultimately he said, “I have apologized to you many times. What more do you want me to do?
Janet replied, “I am not satisfied. You make me angry to the bone.”
She called me to tell me of the confrontation. She wasn’t scared; she sounded proud of herself. And frankly I am proud of her too.
So while Filipinas often make great wives, don’t expect them to be submissive. That could be a costly mistake – for your oten 🙂
As for my wonderful Janet – when we move to the Philippines, I’m not buying a bolo!