Green Card #2

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No, the title of this blog entry doesn’t mean I am filing for another “foreign” wife, requiring yet another Green Card. I’m crazy but not that crazy. Besides, Janet might object and take the bolo to me – or her 🙂

What it means, for those not familiar with the Green Card process, is that the initial Green Card obtained after Janet arrived in the U.S. and more importantly, after we married, is considered by our friends at the USCIS and Homeland Security to be “conditional” and after two years we have to apply for the “conditions” to be removed. The “conditions” apparently being that you have to pay more money to remove the “conditions.”

So now, two years after we married and two years after we filed for Janet’s “conditional” Green Card, we are back at it, putting together a packet of papers large enough to bring down yet another rain-forest.

So now, two years after we married and two years after we filed for Janet’s “conditional” Green Card, we are back at it, putting together a packet of papers large enough to bring down yet another rain-forest.

Now I get it – really and truly. There are reasons to confirm that the woman approved “conditionally” as a US resident a couple years ago is still eligible to be an “unconditional” U.S. resident. Well, that and the $590 windfall Homeland Security is going to get from us.

They will take Janet’s bio-metrics, the fancy 21st Century word for what used to be called fingerprints. After all, I may have substituted a new Janet for the old Janet and they have to check. Either that or her fingers may have been altered by the whitening lotions many Filipinas love.

Other than the standard Federal Form, what kind of documentation do they require to prove that we are still happily married, living together, and spending money at the malls this holiday season? Anything and everything that has both of our names on it: tax returns, bank statements, statements from all our utilities (Homeland Security has to check out the garbage situation here in Casa Weisbord, right), medical statements, insurance statements, a beneficiary statement from my employer, airline tickets and itineraries for travel together. Plus of course, we’ve made Walgreens a bit richer  by printing every photo taken of us together over the course of the past two years. Considering the fact that the Philippines is the selfie capital of the world the number of pictures we are printing is decreasing the world’s silver content several percent.

If all that isn’t proof enough, the USCIS politely suggests that we obtain affidavits from friends verifying (upon penalty of death) that we are still married and living together. Unfortunately Facebook and blogging friends don’t count, otherwise I’d hit you all up for your signatures in blood.

What’s even crazier than the process I’m describing (and it’s frankly more Draconian than I am describing) is that because we are married, in just one year, Janet will be able to apply for U.S. citizenship, making her 10-year Green Card irrelevant. Well, irrelevant except for the $590 Homeland Security’s gonna pocket now and the $680 they get next year when we apply for the citizenship.

Note: Fortunately we all know that government bureaucracy and graft exist only in the Philippines and not the U.S.

Now despite my standard sarcastic tone I really do not object to all of this; well other than the $590. I think the country has a right to protect itself from people who are here illegally via immigration fraud.

And no, I am not stupid enough to get into the current brouhaha about refugees from a certain destabilized Middle Eastern country or who destabilized it. You can all argue among yourselves – I’ll wait.

What I will say is that the fiance and spousal visa process, as well as the Green Card process is made more difficult and lengthy by many of the people who try to apply, scam, and cut corners in the process. I will be talking (or bitching) more about that in my next blog piece – I promise!

For now Janet and I have one more essential piece of evidence to obtain to prove that Janet is ready to be an unconditional, no shit permanent resident of the United States – a trip to Walmart, with photographic evidence. But first Janet’s wondering where we put our noseplugs 🙂






5 thoughts on “Green Card #2”

    1. If you’re looking forward to doing it you can come over here and finish mine 🙂

      Honestly it’s a pain but it’s necessary so no sense in complaining about it.

  1. So basicallu, Dave, once Janet has the unconditional green card in hand, then if you DID happen to turn up mysteriously hacked to death by an edged weapon… she could still stay in the US on her own? Nice that she will have options…

  2. Things have sure changed since they invented Homeland Security. When my wife received her green card in 1986, it was permanent. She still holds on to it like it is a flotation device in the deep end of a pool. I really think it is because the picture makes her look almost 30 years younger!

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