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Stress and the Filipina
It’s June 1st. May has just ended and none too soon. It was one of the most stressful months in recent memory. And stress is the subject of today’s post.
Janet and I arrived back in town from our wonderful trip to the Philippines at the end of April to discover that my employer had decided that despite the tens of billions of dollars in profit they earn, that 11% of the staff had to go. We had arrived Sunday night and I intended to sleep in and do some work from home when I awoke Monday afternoon. But instead I went to work bright and early to see if I still had a job.
My friend Jim messaged me via Facebook at about 6AM to say he had just received an email and wondered if I had; I hadn’t. Throughout the day and the rest of the week, the bodies began to pile up. Of course since I work for a high tech company, they can’t simply pull a Trump and say, “you’re fired!” They developed multiple categories: involuntary separations (get out – now), voluntary separations (here’s some money – now get out), and my favorite, enhanced retirement (you’re old – here’s a bunch of money – now wheel yourself out).
For the entire month everyone walked around with that look like they envied the dead. And yet I survived, at least for now. I have been joking that by the time the actions are over I will be the oldest person working there. It is no longer a joke.
But wait a minute, you ask, what does this have to do with Filipinas or even my wife, Janet. Patience, grasshopper.
Each day I would come home more beat up, worried and stressed than the last. And each day Janet would say, “Don’t worry – we’re fine. If you lose your job we will just retire now instead of next year.”
Last Thursday was the topper to my wonderful month. I was driving home from work on the freeway at 60 MPH. The modern tire air pressure warning system told me that my tire needed air. “Nice,” I thought. “When I get home I’ll add some air. What a great feature in these modern cars!” I thought that about 30 seconds before the tire decompressed – on the freeway – at 60 MPH.
As if it was something I did every day, I somehow pulled the car off to the shoulder and called roadside assistance. The tow truck arrived. I stood 100 feet behind my car, directing cars whizzing by at 70 away from us so that the tow truck operator didn’t get – you know – run over! It was actually kind of fun. It never occurred to me how lucky I was to survive the blowout. Nor did it occur to me that I was an idiot for directing freeway traffic. After all, it was a lot more exciting than work.
But the next day when I called the dealer and was told the price of the new tire, I lost it. “The tire’s a year and a half old. It has a warranty, right?”
“Yes sir, but that only covers manufacturer defects.”
‘What the hell would you call this? The thing blew at 60 MPH!”
“The tire was slashed. You must have run over something.”
“I didn’t run over anything. I was just driving on the freeway. I’m lucky to be alive.” I threw that in just to bring out some guilt; it didn’t work.
You need to make sure cheap viagra price that whichever medicine you choose, should contain Sildenafil citrate inside it. There have order cialis professional been no side effects. Their personal and psychological wellbeing has been greatly hampered due to erectile dysfunction. generic sildenafil 100mg This makes the enjoyment long lasting purchase levitra online appalachianmagazine.com and confident in time of making love. The guy repeated the price. “What is it – a Pirelli?” I yelled. “Last time I checked I drive a Ford.”
“Well that price includes $120 for the sensor?”
“The sensor? You mean the sensor that gave me a 30 second warning that the tire was going to blow?”
“Yes sir.”
And when I told Janet about what happened and the expense just at a time when I might lose my job she just shrugged one of those ‘what else can you do’ sort of shrugs. She hugged me and again told me not to worry.
And it struck me that she was truly being honest in her assessment. She genuinely did not seem worried. Unlike us Americans she chooses not to worry about things she cannot control.
It’s a quality I have seen and admired in the Philippines; a ‘life is short, enjoy it now’ type of quality. It’s also a quality that some expats living in the Philippines do not admire. It drives them crazy to see people smiling despite their circumstances, despite their poverty, despite scams and corruption, and even despite slow service at Jolibees.
So bottom line is that my 28 year old wife is wiser and more mature than her geriatric husband. Like most Western men, I worry and stress. When I was younger I needed stress; it seemed like I couldn’t get going without stress. But now as old age approaches I don’t like stress.
And unlike most of my peers I am not much capable of alleviating stress through drinking. Oh sure, I like my San Miguel at dinner. But one is about it; two’s my limit. And that doesn’t allow me to get hammered enough to reduce the stress. If any of you drinkers has a suggestion about how I can increase my intake, please let me know.
I look forward to retirement for many reasons but the notion that it will reduce my stress is at the top of the list.
But still I look around the Philippines and see generally happy people and wonder – why aren’t they stressed to the max. Oh I know, there’s “high blood” in the Philippines, just like there is here. But you don’t see that “I wish I were dead” sort of strained face that many Americans go around displaying.
One more addendum. Last night, May 31st, I come home to find a letter from the IRS. They claim we owe a boatload of money. I stress and Janet says, “Don’t worry. Come sit next to me. You’ll figure it out.” And maybe I will; or pay them the boatload of money. Now where did I leave that San Miguel?
The Language Issue
One of the things that many expats to the Philippines want to do is to learn the language. Well, at least we say we want to; in reality once most of us have learned “San Miguel, salamat” our studies end. For me the language thing is a real challenge. I was a good student about 100 years ago but never came close to mastering the two foreign languages I studied for years. I’ll come back to one of those languages later.
Since Janet and I are planning to live in the Philippines and pretty damn soon, I have been trying to learn. The Philippines makes such an endeavor even more complex since there are so many separate languages spoken there. No, I am not talking about different dialects of the same language, but completely different languages. Fortunately Janet speaks Cebuano or Visayan, which is the dominant language in the central part of the Philippines, including Janet’s home of Cebu, as well as Dumaguete, Negros, where we will eventually find ourselves.
So, prior to our recent trip to the Philippines I did some work on language basics. Janet helped, though I sensed it was at times frustrating for her. I worked on simple stuff: please and thank you; good morning/afternoon/evening. That level of language. I also had some help from a new source: Dumaguete vblogger, Bud Brown. You can see him here: @ https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCqtDAUVhJQZzHsNi-XzzP7w
Bud is a sweet guy, even older than me, and I began to watch his adventures living in Dumaguete. But Bud has an advantage over most of us: he speaks Visayan and Tagalog (the language of Luzon) pretty well. Of course, he developed those skills though hard work and a 40 year relationship with his asawa, Gloria.
The point being, his videos show him speaking Visayan to local residents. For me I find it difficult to learn language via rote memorization and much easier to learn by watching and seeing the words used in context.
For example, one of the first words I learned though Bud is tchinelas – flip flops. He loves to give inexpensive tchinelas to local kids who don’t have any or whose tchinelas are worn to their end of life. Since I love wearing sandals and flip flops I mastered tchinelas, which is pronounced without the “t.” So, say it with me – chin-e-las. Very good, class. Salamat.
Janet and I quickly became fan’s of Bud’s videos and she began to quiz me based on some of the words I was learning.
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I tried as much as possible and I think people did appreciate it but I find that many Filipinos want to speak English to an American as much as I wanted to speak Visayan to a Filipino. So my maayong buntag would be answered with “good morning, sir.”
I also tried to throw in a smattering of kamusta ka, how are you, and when someone asked me how I was, I answer maayo, good, because I didn’t know how to say, “OK – waiting for my next San Miguel.”
I did however learn that if you say, Okay lang, as often as possible you sound much more Filipino than if you just say, “okay.” So okay lang became my go to expression.
Our itinerary on this trip was a week in Alcoy, Cebu, a week in Dumaguete, and then a final week in Palawan. While I won’t say that my language skills improved significantly the first couple weeks, I did enjoy trying. We then arrived in Palawan. Unfortunately, Janet had failed to mention that they speak Tagalog in Palawan. So my maayong buntags failed to elicit the proper response. “They speak Tagalog here,” Janet informed me.
“Tagalog? What good is that?”
“Well some words are the same,” she tried to assure me.
I spent the week mostly saying, “San Miguel, Salamat.”
Snipets from our Latest Trip to the Philippines
We’ve been back less than a week from our 3-week vacation to the Philippines. Our itinerary was: 1 week in Alcoy, Cebu; 1 week in Dumaguete; 1 week in Palawan. It all went by too quickly. Here are some impressions.
I need to work on my drinking:
I had the opportunity to meet three expats for lunch while in Dumaguete. They were guys I knew online from a Philippines forum I frequent. Good guys, not an American among them, and it seems clear that when we move to Dumaguete, that if I want some expat friends, at least a few good ones live there.
But when it comes to drinking San Miguel I am woefully lacking. Had my standard 1 beer while two of my new friends were plowing through a 6-pack each. The waitress was running full speed to and from our table to take and then deliver the next beer run. Somehow the guys had the energy to flirt with her every time she arrived – which might have been the purpose. Finally I ordered a 2nd San Mig just to keep from looking like the lightweight that I am.
Afterwards Janet took one look at me and asked how many beers I’d had.
Is the Philippines the noisiest or most romantic place on earth:
Janet and I were in El Nido, Palawan – a beautiful place. We’d just had dinner and were walking back to our hotel. Janet spotted a cart with her fave grilled chicken intestines on a stick; and no I did not partake. I like Filipino food but there’s a limit. She is waiting with baited breath for the grilling to finish when suddenly we hear a dog yelping in extreme pain. Like most places in the Philippines the streets of El Nido are narrow, trikes, motorcycles, and cars rush along with little concern, and we assumed the dog got hit by something. Everyone was looking in the direction of the cries of pain, which did not stop and if anything intensified. Janet and I feared the worst and approached the dog. I was expecting to see massive injuries. Instead we witnessed two dogs humping happily. “Must be a virgin,” Janet remarked. Only in the Philippines!
Janet takes on the trike drivers:
One of the gripes for most expats is with the taxi and trike drivers trying to overcharge. In many cities trikes are regulated and there’s a flat rate wherever you want to go. For example in Dumaguete the rate is 6.5p/person. In Puerto Princesa, Palawan it’s 8p. During our stay in Puerto Princesa we went out to dinner and had no problem with a trike driver taking us from our hotel to the restaurant for the 8p x2 plus a small tip. On the way back we flagged a trike. Janet told the driver in Tagalog the name of our hotel. “40 pesos,” he said. “No way!” responded Janet and we didn’t get into the trike. She flagged the next one. “50 pesos,” he immediately told her. Now she’s pissed. Traveling in the Philippines, knowledge is power. We knew what the rates were and she would not pay more. Finally the 3rd driver took us home and we paid him the correct amount plus tip.
I am lazy enough that I probably would have overpaid, but do not mess with Janet!
Palawan really is that beautiful:
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Palawan has been on the list of the most beautiful islands in the world many times and finally we decided to go. As a cynic I know that such lists are exaggerated. For example, despite the hype, Boracay, which I do like, is far from the best place to vacation in the Philippines.
But Palawan is beautiful. El Nido has to be seen to be believed and we just scratched the surface. Even the 5+ hour drive from Puerto Pricessa to El Nido was extraordinarily beautiful.
There are so many mountains on Palawan that they haven’t bothered to name them all.
We will be returning!
Yes, sometimes there is progress in the Philippines:
The Philippines is not known as a place where change happens quickly. We spent a week at our favorite resort in Alcoy, the BBB (Bodos Bamboo Bar). Ok, truth be told there aren’t a lot of options in Alcoy so every year it’s the BBB. The 1st time we stayed there some years back, we had a very nice cottage. The cottage had a fan, but no aircon, which was doable. The cottage had no hot water in the shower, which was not doable to my standards. I don’t need luxury but even in a place like Alcoy in the summer, I want hot water. But worst is that while the hotel advertised free wifi, the wifi only worked in public areas, not the cottages.
But sometimes, if rarely, things change in the Philippines. This year the cottages were equipment with aircon. Modern hot water was plentiful. And what’s best is that the wifi worked everywhere and the connection was reasonably fast. At the end of our stay I approached the owner, told her we’d been coming for several years and appreciated the improvements, particularly to the wifi.
Of course the rate for the cottages was increased 50%.
Everything is crispy in the Philippines:
In the Philippines “crispy” is king. Lechon must be crispy. Anything grilled is only good if the skin is crack in your mouth crispy. The first time Janet had KFC in the US I ordered Original Recipe. She tasted it and crinkled her nose. After that we always ordered Extra Crispy.
There is no such thing as rare meats in the Philippines, Most meats are cooked to death – probably for health purposes. But that’s the taste that people are used to.
But it seems that this crispy thing was taken to an extreme when I saw that all the cigarette ads advertised the flavor of the cancer stick in question as “crispy.”
Guitarmaking in the Philippines
One of the questions I get often is, “What the hell are you going to do when you retire?” Of the many things that concern me getting ready to retire (when, where, how much cash will we need) this is one that I don’t worry about too much.
For one thing I am very good at being lazy. Spend an entire Sunday watching movies or surfing the Net – no problem. Spend three weeks on vacation in the Philippines hitting every beach, drinking San Miguels, trying to understand Filipinos, having fun with Janet and her family – why can’t it be four weeks.
I work hard but don’t live to work!
But I am unusual in that not only do I have a lazy character but I also have an obsessive one. I set up and began this blog 1 1/2 years ago while on my 8-week sabbatical from work, intending for it to be one of my obsessions when I retire.
In short, when I get interested in something I get obsessive. Find a writer I like; next thing you know I have read all his books. Discover the Philippines; next thing you know I’ve visited 8 times and gotten married to my lovely Janet. This seems to be my pattern. Between being lazy and being obsessive I rarely suffer from boredom.
Twenty years ago when my son was a newborn, I got the wild idea to make a guitar. You would think that between running a business and caring for a baby I would have had enough to do but apparently I didn’t. I bought the one book in existence on how to build a jazz archtop guitar and told my then wife that I was going to do it.
She rolled her eyes and said, “Well, no loud power tools and nasty wood dust. We have a baby, you know.”
“No problem. The book tells you how to do it with hand tools.”
So as insane as it sounds, looking back on it, I began. I hit garage sales to buy old, cheap hand tools, obtained the materials and followed along with the book. Of course I had a baby and a nursing wife so any work I did in my 90 year old, bug infested basement, I did after the baby and mother were asleep. The obsession bit quickly and I was often up until past 1:00 AM happily working on the guitar and cleaning up any blood from the frequent self-inflicted injuries. Then up in the middle of the night for baby feeding, and up again around 6:00 to begin the day.
A year later I had a finished archtop. When I showed it around people would compliment me and ask, “Why did you choose the most difficult type of guitar to make as your first guitar?”
The answer? “Because I was too stupid to know it was the most difficult type of guitar to make.”
For the next seven years I spent nearly every night (early morning really) working in my shop building guitars and accumulating tools. Finally between a change in work, divorce, moving, caring for two kids and trying to make money, the guitarmaking came to an end. The tools and materials sat in my new basement, along with a 3/4 completed archtop. Other obsessions had taken over but when friends asked I told them I intended to get back to it in retirement.
Over the past 6 months, downsizing in preparation for retirement, I have gone through my shop and sold off some of my tools. As an obsessive it was not unusual for me to buy 5 of a tool I only needed 1 of. So I sold the excess off on ebay, taking the money and putting it into my retirement war chest. But as I brought the tools out of the basement, prepared them for sale, showed them to Janet and explained what they were for or reminisced about the great deal I had gotten, I realized how much I had missed guitarmaking.
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More importantly my wonderful Janet realized it too. “We still have plenty of time. Why don’t you finish that guitar in the basement?”
I knew myself too well and knew I couldn’t just spend a little time on the hobby; that like the old “bet you can’t eat just one” chip commercials, I would be unable to hold back the obsession. So I resisted.
Now, I own a couple of my own guitars including that first one. I’ve seen it daily for 19 years and never liked the finish on it and could see some of the woodworking imperfections.
After building that one I developed a co-obsession: French Polishing. It’s a very old form of wood finishing and perfect for my obsessive nature: time consuming, hand done and with natural materials. I studied and learned everything I could about it and from then on it became my guitar finishing method.
So I thought, ‘It won’t be too hard to sand the finish off guitar #1, fix most of the woodworking imperfections and French Polish it.” Janet was all for it and as a Filipina with a business administration degree said, “then you can sell it and take the money and buy supplies for more guitars.”
I began and of course it was like I had never left. The older hands, eyes and muscles quickly remembered. Immediately I began to think of the type of shop I might have in retirement. A nipa hut in the backyard?
BTW, guitarmaking is a growing concern in the Philippines. There are several well known builders in Mactan, Cebu. I’ve been there and watched them a couple times and the methods are fascinating. For one thing, their work bench is often the ground.
I was speaking to a guitar playing friend who’d visited the Philippines a couple times. “Why not teach classes on guitarmaking?” he asked. I thought that might be impractical (too long a class) but thought that a day class on French Polishing or other traditional woodworking methods might be fun to do. So that will be part of the obsession. Janet immediately volunteered to provide lunch to the students!
Tell Us Where to Go (Again)
Last year, at just about this exact time, I posted, Tell Us Where to Go, a request for input on your favorite places to visit in the Philippines. We ended up traveling to Boracay, Camiguin, and did a couple days in Moalboal, in addition to our standard week in Alcoy, Cebu.
Well, it’s Back to the Future, folks and I am looking for more recommendations.
First the good news. We booked 3 weeks in April. The flight prices from Portland to Cebu were substantially less than last year and any of the other 7 or 8 times I have gone to the Philippines. Whether this was the luck of the draw, because of the decreasing oil prices, or my brilliant shopping skills, I don’t know. But if you were thinking of visiting the Philippines this is a great time to check out the flights. A $300/per ticket savings was a pretty compelling argument for us to book our next trip.
As always, we will spend a week in Alcoy, Cebu. Janet will get to see her family, as will I, but I also look forward to Tingko Beach, Dalaguete, Oslob and the whale sharks we didn’t see last year.
I also look forward to not cutting my damn hand like I did last year.
We will also spend a week in the Dumaguete area. Since there is a good chance that Dumaguete will be our retirement destination, it’s time to check it out further. We will again see the city and Valencia. If anyone has any recommendations about other towns in the vicinity, please let us know!
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Now, Janet worked and went to school in Leyte for five years, and every time I have asked if she would like to return and show me the place she spent these important years, I get – the look!
We have a friend, who I suspect will weigh in on this posting, who owns a small resort in Maasin, Leyte. He asks every year if we are coming and I reply not to count on it. So Janet even hinting she’s interested in going to Leyte is a big step.
Here’s a link to an article on Kalanggaman – supposed to be a great island off Leyte: http://www.thetravelingnomad.com/2016/01/better-leyte-than-never-kalanggaman.html
Me? I am interested in any place fun, off the beaten track. And if it’s cheap, all the better.
So. what do you all think? Tell us where to go – we can take it!
Fiery Disaster in Cebu City
My young brother in law works in Cebu City and we are very proud of him. At 19 he moved there almost a year ago and is now in the middle of his 2nd working contract. Lots of work in the Philippines is on a 5-month contract basis, no doubt so that the employers can avoid shelling out benefits that we Americans would consider essential to the basics of life. My BIL works in a mall, 6-days a week, for what is, by American standards, shockingly low pay. Apparently the Philippines needs Bernie Sanders 🙂
Janet and I hear from him regularly but it is obvious that life in the big city is difficult, work is hard, and fame and fortune are far away. But this Christmas made it even harder.
Christmas Eve my BIL called home and told his mother he missed the family. Because of his work schedule he could not take the 3-hour bus ride home to the provinces in Alcoy and asked her whether she could send his father to come spend Christmas with him. Drama ensued but father was convinced and the next day he and his youngest son were on the bus heading for Cebu City.
Upon arrival, my BIL was working and encouraged his father and brother to stay in his tiny room, where he would join them later that night. His father turned down that suggestion, saying he would go see his brother who also lives in Cebu City. In all likelihood, even by provincial Philippines standards, my BIL’s room left something to be desired. As you will see this turned out to be literally a life and death decision.
The youngest son accompanying his father, was ecstatic to be in Cebu City. No matter what culture you live in, the big city offers kids delights and distractions that no small town, with its “take it for granted” vistas and beaches, can rival. But that night, from his brother’s home, my FIL noticed a large fire in Lahug, the area of Cebu City my BIL lives in.
My BIL’s rooming house, as well and between 60-100 other homes were burned to the ground. Janet and I got bits and pieces of details over the next couple of days. Here’s a few links to the news stories showing the extent of the disaster:
http://cebudailynews.inquirer.net/79510/lahug-fire-leaves-300-homeless
http://cebudailynews.inquirer.net/79622/theres-reason-everything-fire-victims-coping-loss
http://cebudailynews.inquirer.net/79623/fire-victims-assured-no-relocation-you-can-go-back-to-your-place
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Because of the nature of the very poor Lahug neighborhood, where streets are just alleys and fire trucks cannot pass, the fire department was incapable of controlling, or even getting to, the inferno.
And how did the blaze begin? A lit candle unattended, used at night by a household with no working electricity. Interestingly, the newspaper literally named the offender.
My BIL was devastated. At 19 he had little, but all his clothes were gone, except for the work uniform he was wearing. His few possessions, such as a rice cooker and fan, were gone. And perhaps most importantly to him, his important documents were gone; documents such as his high school diploma, which in the Philippines are hard, if not impossible to replace – all gone. In addition, with what little money he earns he had bought Christmas presents for the kids which he intended to send home with his father; all gone. His loss was just as devastating to him as the loss of our homes (and all the stuff in them) would be to you and I.
Of course the good news, which was repeated over and over, is that he was safe. His father and brother had not gone to his room and so they too were safe. And in fact, despite the devastation to the neighborhood, apparently no one died in the fire.
Now the Cebu City government, which is just as effective as our own FEMA, set up temporary shelter and food at a school, and promised victims a small payout, which my BIL is hoping to be able to take advantage of – maybe. BTW, if you look at the article and see talk of 5000-10000 pesos to the victims, that’s the equivalent of between a little over $100-$200. And let’s face it, these folks aren’t calling State Farm or Allstate to make a claim.
Fortunately the family, as generally happens in the Philippines, has chipped in. Janet’s cousin, living in a nicer area of Cebu City offered a room, not only to my BIL but to his two roommates. Oh, did I forget to mention that BIL lived in that room with two friends, who also lost everything.
I have no funny or wry conclusions here. We are very sad for BIL, but like most Filipinos he will survive, the smile will return to his face, but he will have learned a life lesson no one should have to learn.