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Baby Showers, Yayas, and the Miracle of Amazon

Today Baby Jack is officially 30 weeks old, so we are coming down the home stretch. Janet is doing well though she has the normal aches, pains, swelling and kicking (by Jumping Jack Flash) associated with pregnancy.

Two days ago we had the Baby Shower at our home. It grew in conception from the small baby shower you might imagine – to a real party, with enough food to feed all of Valencia, beer for the boys, wine for everyone and Bailey’s for the girls. While cranky Dave wasn’t too thrilled with a big party at this point, it turned out to be a great success and reminded us all that we have to get together more often. The after effects of the lockdowns remain and I think many of us have forgotten how important getting together is. So thanks to Janet and her sisters for pulling this off.

Speaking of sisters, 17 year old sister Miaca arrived Wednesday, along with niece Jilliana. Janet worked them non-stop through the party and after. They were happy to be involved.

Perhaps more importantly, sister Leticia arrived. She will be Baby Jack’s Yaya for the foreseeable future. In the Philippines, if you can afford it, a Yaya (nursemaid) is pretty common. Typically they live in the home, get room and board and a small amount of cash. Leticia is a professional and has already raised 4 or 5 babies, so her arrival is just another indicator that this baby thing is really happening – and pretty soon.

Depending on the family and their finances it is not unusual for Yayas to care for a child until age 5, 6 or beyond.

Janet’s notion is that she and Leticia will take care of the baby at night for those first few months, and I will sleep. Hmm. Will see about that.

I am a great sleeper and it was sort of an issue with my previous marriage and children. When the baby would wake up at night for a feeding or some attention, my then wife would jab me in the ribs to wake up, I would stumble out to get the baby and bring him/her to mom for a feeding, and instantly fell back asleep. When the feeding was over, another jab to the ribs, I would take the baby back, return to the bed and be asleep by the time I hit the pillow. My then wife would often be incapable of going back to sleep at all. Is it any wonder we are divorced.

My sleep habits are nearly as good in old age as they were back then so I expect to stumble up to the cries of Baby Jack and go back to sleep quickly.

All our Philippines friends were generous and Baby Jack now has a nice supply of onesies, diapers, etc.

Speaking of which, several of our US-based friends had asked when the Baby Shower was and what we might need. As a former tech guy I decided to go the tech route and set up an Amazon Gift Registry. We chose items we need and tried to pick items without a crazy shipping cost to the Philippines. Our friends and family have been chipping in and it’s exciting to see. Our goal was not just to get a bunch of stuff (not that there’s anything wrong with that) but to engage with friends and family we haven’t seen since the pandemic and encourage them to connect with Baby Jack. Like the Baby Shower so far it has been a great success. BTW, if any US-based friends would like to see the Baby Registry it is located here: https://www.amazon.com/baby-reg/davejanet-weisbord-october-2022-valencia/2AL08GCDB5XS5

A big thanks of appreciation and love to all our family, friends and readers. This is an incredible time in our lives and we are happy to have your involvement, whether you are close by or very far.

The Key to Happiness

Many of Janet’s family members came over to Dumaguete this week. About half of them just stayed the day, several others (including my Father in Law) stayed a few days, and two girls will be here about a week. While technically the reason was that we gave the family our old refrigerator and they were here to pick it up, I am sure that for many that was just an excuse to come see a 6 1/2 month pregnant Janet. So they all piled into the back of a multi cab and took the ferry from Cebu to Negros.

Let me shift gears here for a moment and then I will get back to the gathering. Nearly anyone married or in a relationship with a Filipina and certainly any expat who lives here knows the story. The level of poverty most of these people live with is something unheard of to most any Westerner. I told my kids a few stories as did Janet when we lived in the U.S, but I am sure my kids did not comprehend or believe it. Homes without electricity or running water. Walking hours a day to school. Struggling for food. Having been with Janet over 10 years no story shocks me anymore, but still – it is a life incomprehensible to any American.

I say this because despite the poverty the Philippines is consistently rated as having one of the happiest populations in the world. And this week maybe I have figured out just a little piece of that happiness.

You see, the family arrived Sunday. Janet immediately fed them all breakfast. Afterwards the kids settled down in front of the TV, or on a phone or wandered the property. My father in law, who at 60 has been a farmer his whole life, went out, examined our gardens and yard – and went to work. I have known him for 10 years and know that there is no point in telling him to please relax and enjoy himself and to use these days as a mini-vacation; I know he won’t do it. He proposed a couple projects to Janet who agreed and spent Sunday, Monday and Tuesday working on our property. He managed to get a little help from a few of the kids but mostly he worked on his own, all day long.

Why does he do it? There was no huge need. Sure, the projects he completed were nice but not necessities; the garden is well maintained by Janet, a gardener who comes over once a week, and Janet’s brother Jorre; notice I didn’t include my own name in this effort lol.

Nor could he have thought that he is obligated. He knows that his daughter and her foreigner husband would be happy to see him chill out.

So why does he do the very same work he does 6 days a week at home? I think it’s because he likes it!

And how about my Mother in Law. She raised 10 kids. After she mostly raised the 10 she took on 2 and sometimes 3 grandkids. There are two additional grandkids who are at the family home often. She works all day and night cooking and caring for all of them.

You’d think that after the 10 were raised she’d never want to see a kid again – but it seems to be the opposite. I feel fairly confident that once our baby Jack comes along she will happily want to help with him.

So again – why? Necessity or obligation? Well, there is plenty of that for sure. But I think that mostly she likes it!

So let’s review: my in laws work their asses off 52 weeks a year and seem to enjoy it. Is liking what you’re doing the key to happiness? It is in the Philippines.

Medicine in the Time of Covid

I’ve gotten to write a lot this year about my medical experiences, but fear not; it won’t be about me today. One of the things that has annoyed me the most doing the last year and a half is that our leaders (political, medical, scientific, media) treat us like we are morons. At this point here in the Philippines people have figured out how to work with or work around the large number of restrictions. Most Filipinos are back to work, the businesses that survived have re-opened, the plaza here in Valencia is bustling. In fact the town has a bunch of new restaurants and business seems to be brisk.

While travel is difficult, the people who need to travel (including Janet and I) have figured out how to travel. Even at the height of the lockdowns we figured out how to find a restaurant to serve us and despite several alcohol bans, my liquor and wine cabinet are bursting to the brim.

But this isn’t exactly what I want to talk about today. The following are several stories with the names and circumstances slightly changed to protect the innocent. They all relate to medical issues and death here during these difficult times.

Number 1 – Our Gardener: We have a gardener here who does a wonderful job and works his ass off. No sense in saying what we pay him; in the US you wouldn’t believe it. He looks ancient but I finally found out he’s about my age. OK, I guess that does make him ancient.

He hasn’t taken the vaccine nor does he intend to. BTW, if anyone is wondering, I’ve been vaccinated here (Sinovac) and am far from an anti-vaxxer. That said I know that many people here don’t want to take it and I have no problem with that personal decision. The gardener told Janet he was no fool and that he takes good care of himself, gets plenty of fresh air, sun and exercise in his job and does his best to socially distance. But he’s scared of the jab. The following scared him worse.

He told us a story of his cousin. About his age and from what I could gather with heart issues, the cousin took the vaccine and the next day got sick with chills. The family chose not to take him to the hospital and the cousin died. I have no idea what he died of nor does the family and that is sort of the point of this blog.

Here in the Philippines, where religion is still important, death and the subsequent funeral is a very important thing. So is family. All Filipinos know that if your elderly family member is taken to the hospital he will be swab tested. If he tests positive he will be quarantined and no family member will be allowed to see him. If he dies after a positive test, there will be no viewing, no church funeral and no burial with the family in attendance. The body will be sent directly to the cemetery. Everyone knows this and so for many people the decision is to not take the ill person to the hospital. In this case, could the cousin have been saved? We will never know. But my gardener ain’t getting the jab.

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Number 2: A man was stabbed in a dispute. He was rushed to the closest clinic where it was determined that he would need surgery and was sent to a hospital in Cebu. First thing that happened was the swab test and he tested positive, despite the fact he had no symptoms – well unless you think a gaping stab wound is a symptom. He was quarantined in the hospital for 14 days but was able to get his surgery done and did survive. No family was allowed and in fact family members who’d been in contact with him were also quarantined. Neither the man, nor any members of his family ever showed a symptom. Had he died from his stab wounds his family would never have seen him again.

Number 3: I wrote of the death of Janet’s Grandfather/Lolo last December, at age 90; a pretty old age for a Filipino man. He died in his sleep. He was not sent to the hospital for an attempt to revive him, for exactly the reason I am writing about here.

In fact, the part of the story that I did not write about last December was that several days before he passed away he was depressed because he missed his family and was not eating. His daughter, my Mother in Law, went to the local clinic to ask for vitamins to help him eat. They strongly suggested she check him into the clinic. She refused, knowing what this could mean. Several days later they actually came to visit Lolo and encouraged him to check into the clinic. He refused. Could they have helped him? At his age and in his condition probably not. But his fear and the family fear that they would never see him again outweighed any possible benefit. In the end he passed away peacefully and had a proper viewing and funeral.

This is in stark contrast to his illness the year before (prior to Covid). At that time he got a lung infection and spent several weeks in a clinic getting antibiotics and oxygen. He survived and returned home to live another year.

Janet’s Grandmother/Lola: A little more than a week ago Janet’s grandmother passed away at age 89. She too died in her sleep. There was never a consideration about rushing her to a clinic for an attempt at revival.

Janet’s Uncle: Janet calls him an uncle, but he’s really Janet’s Mother’s cousin. He was recently ill and rushed to the hospital by his son. The son was tested for Covid and tested positive. The father never got tested; he died shortly thereafter. Because the son tested positive, Janet’s uncle was sent directly to the cemetery, never to be seen by a family member or to have a funeral, despite the fact that no one ever determined whether he even had, let alone died of Covid.

I have 5 or 10 more similar stories but you get the idea. Going back to my original point, people here aren’t stupid. If you punish them for taking their family members to a hospital they will stop doing it.