Tag Archives: Philippines

House Project – The Good, Bad, Ugly – and Ugliest

We have officially started the last week of the house portion of the project. Our target was that the house itself would be completed by September 30 and that October would be reserved for issues outside the house: completion of the wall and spikes, completion of the shop, completion of the canal, etc. We “might” actually hit our target, so this looks like a good time to review the entire project and call out some of the problems I have only hinted at before.

The Good: The contractor that we eventually hired had an architect/engineer friend who came up with two modern designs, both of which we liked. We asked for elements from both designs which he combined to create a final design. We were excited.

The contractor came up with a bid which I thought was OK but maybe a bit high. He ultimately agreed that his bid would be a fixed price; meaning that there would be no cost increases from inflation. As you will soon see, this became irrelevant. Nonetheless the negotiations went well and soon we were signing a contract with a lawyer.

Not long after, the construction started. While I would hate to categorise the entire subsequent process as bad, this was the end of the honeymoon period.

The Bad: Our contractor hired a foreman and work commenced. We were soon to find out that the foreman was only hired for 2 days/week. We complained about that but the contractor assured us that between he and the foreman there would be plenty of supervision. There never was.

A small crew, averaging 6-8 began the wall (or fence as it’s called here) surrounding the property. Janet and I would come over daily to check the progress. Sometimes progress was being made and sometimes not so much. More complaints to the contractor, more assurances, and the wall progressed, though slowly.

Three months later the wall was mostly done and they switched to work on the house. The crew expanded to about 12-13. It was quickly clear to us that a crew of a dozen would take two years to finish the house. More complaints, more assurances but the crew was rarely large enough.

There were ups and downs, mistakes and more mistakes, but yet the house did begin to take shape. Within six months we could see that these guys might actually be capable of building this house; we really weren’t sure before. But by the six month mark, money became a worry.

The contractor’s money methodology was simple. He would ask for a certain sum of money monthly and I would give it to him. After a few months the pattern was set but I could do the math and confronted him, “At the rate you are asking for money, the money will run out before the house is completed.” He assured us the first few months were the larger portions of money required because of steel and concrete, etc. and that later requests would be smaller. This never turned out to be true.

As a certain point Janet and I had one of those “Come to Jesus” meetings with the contractor. Janet said, “We have given you half the budget but we only have 25% of a house.” He again reassured us, showing us the numbers of what was still left to buy and how much got paid to the crew and that we still had money to complete the project. I was skeptical. Similar conversations and similar assurances would occur monthly.

Janet would try to assure me. “We have a contract. We can sue him if he doesn’t finish.” As the more experienced and more cynical partner I told her “A contract is only good if the person you are suing has money to pay you.” Nonetheless since progress continued we remained cautiously optimistic.

As I have documented in other blog posts, not only was supervision of the crew hit and miss, so was material purchasing. The crew and foreman often complained to us about not having the materials they needed. We would complain to the contractor and eventually more materials would arrive. But this clearly slowed the project. And less efficiency meant more cost.

We tried to help the contractor save money. Whenever we would see a needed piece for the project on sale we would contact the contractor. “Robinsons has overhead fans on sale for a great price.” We would buy the sale items and minus that amount of money from what we owed the contractor. While this should have been his methodology all along (shopping for deals), in the end it didn’t help him.

We also tried to help the contractor schedule the job. In June we went to the contractor and told him we needed the house done by the end of September so that we could move in during October. He agreed that it could be done. He told the workers that if they finished by September 30 he would give them a lechon party. Lechon is very big in the Philippines and for a few weeks the crew was excited. Pretty soon they knew the truth; that there would be no lechon.

The Ugly:

And then the fateful day occurred (cue organ). The contractor asked to meet with us at our rental home, which he never did before. He explained that he had no more money and had used some of our money to buy himself a piece of property. He couldn’t sell the property because the title was not finalised and the economy was soft.

Frankly we already knew that he had purchased a piece of property. This is the Philippines and everyone knows everyone’s business and so we had been told months before that the contractor had bought a lot. At the time my attitude was, ‘Well he’s entitled to make a profit and if he uses some of his profit to buy a lot that’s his business, as long as I get my house.’ But now it was clear we were not going to get our house.

Our first step was to take over all purchasing for the project; we simply felt we could no longer give the contractor any more money. What was shocking was how little materials were at the project. The crew needed everything. I made a list of the major elements I knew still had to be purchased, but that list turned out to be a fraction of what they really needed. Janet and I were going to stores all day long every day and cash was flowing out of our bank faster than I could keep track of it. My desk had a stack of receipts which I tracked on my spreadsheet and soon it was official; the budget was spent and we were in the red.

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For the next few weeks we gave a modest amount to the contractor weekly to pay the crew. Then one day I was contacted by a guy who was also using our contractor. “Is your crew being completely paid? Mine isn’t and they are ready to quit.” I said, “I think they must be – no one’s complained.” The next day Janet and I went to the site and asked each crew member. BTW, by this point in time the crew was over 30. Every crewman was owed some money. One poor guy was owed back pay for three weeks.

At that point we took over the payroll and paid everyone everything they were owed. It was the equivalent of an extra week’s pay.

For all intents and purposes we took over the running of the project. We asked the foreman if he could temporarily work more days and he agreed. Janet spent 8 hours a day on site watching the crew and yelling at them; she does this well. I ran around daily buying stuff. We were and are busy busy retirees.

We brought in Janet’s oldest brother, Marlon from Cebu to work. He’s worked very hard and really shown some of the crew members how work is supposed to be done. This has turned out to be a good decision, although our little rental house is now a crowded little rental house.

While there have been plenty of glitches everyone can see that the crew has worked harder and gotten more done. With luck (fingers crossed) this week the final elements of the house will be done. On Saturday Janet is giving the crew the promised lechon party.

Next week the air conditioners get installed and the crew moves to the outside projects and shop completion. With even more luck those elements will be completed in October.

In the meantime we know that there are a hundred little touch up jobs required in the house, mostly involving paint. I will be finishing the doors and there are a lot of them. Janet plans to bring the kids up from Alcoy on their school break to clean. Only in the Philippines do kids get excited to come to an overcrowded rental house to be worked like dogs.

The Ugliest: I may be conning myself, but I pride myself in telling the truth. It may be my truth or my interpretation of the truth but still I tell the truth. I ran a business for 14 years and when problems occurred I told the customer the hard truth. I worked at Intel for 15 years and told my accounts (Fortune 500s all) the cold hard truth and they accepted it.

I have become angered and depressed by how often I have been lied to in this process. Sometimes the simple lies are lies of omission, sometimes the gentle lies of ‘we don’t want to admit there’s a real problem,’ but many times bald faced lies were told to my face. It was infuriating and at times deeply depressing. I have no conclusions and no interest in globalising my experience but when I say “two plus two is four” and am told “no it’s five” – well as I say it’s infuriating.

While I don’t have final figures yet it looks to me like we will end up 20% over budget. The contractor promises that when he sells or mortgages his property he will give us some money. It might happen but I’m not holding my breath. He’s actually not a bad guy but got in way over his head.

Conclusions: Assuming you still want to own a house in the Philippines after having read all these blog posts, here are my recommendations:

  1. Buy an existing house. There are plenty of “foreigner houses” for sale throughout the Philippines and often for good prices.
  2. If you must build your own dream house, function as your own contractor. Hire an engineer and or foreman to run the project, while you do the purchasing. You will spend a year or more of your life going crazy, but it is probably the safest way.
  3. Did I mention that you can buy an existing house here and let your wife remodel it?

A funny (in my warped way) story: We did know for months that our contractor was in financial trouble because he kept listing stuff for sale on FB Marketplace. Generally it was stuff I would have no interest in but a few weeks back he listed a high end Canon camera with a couple lenses; a model that would have been a professional model a few years back. I like photography but sold my Nikon gear before I moved here. BTW, when I worked at Intel there were practically fights in the hallways over the Nikon vs. Canon debate. Shows you what nerdy engineers will get excited about.

I sent him a message. “Why don’t you just give the camera to me, as part of what you owe me.” He agreed, but could I give him a little bit to pay off the last of the workers. I agreed. When Janet and I inspected the camera I asked, “How long have you owned this?” “Eight months,” was his reply. Janet and I caught each other’s eye. I knew I was basically getting back the camera I had paid for.

So, I don’t have a house yet but I do have a nice camera.

How Much Does it Cost to Live in the Philippines – An Idiot’s Guide

Preface: You will have to determine whether the “idiot” I referenced in the title is me or my potential readership. It’s a close call 🙂

——————–

If you’re a Philippines blogger or vlogger one thing that is expected of you is to post a Cost of Living piece. I know guys who do it annually or even more often. Why? Because they know that all of you want to read it and it drives up their readership/viewership.

So, that’s why I’m doing it 🙂

Of course, unlike a YouTube vlogger, there is no income for my doing this; only the satisfaction in knowing that several hundred (sometimes several thousand) of you wasted five minutes of your important life on my dribble. Life is good!

I have seen or read dozens of such Cost of Philippines Living posts. Let me summarize my opinion for you: they are all unadulterated nonsense. So, I’ve just saved you time and as they say time is money. So, by all means send me some.

OK, back on point. Why are such postings normally BS? Imagine I were to ask an American, “How much does it cost to live in the United States?” He might answer, “How the hell do I know? Do you mean live in a small town in the South or the San Francisco Bay Area?” “Do you need to own a car and what kind?” “How’s your company’s medical insurance.” “How many girlfriends do you have and how many does your wife know about?”

Sorry, I got side tracked.

In short you can live in the U.S. for $15,000/year or less and yet others claim in all seriousness that they cannot live for under $150,000/year; and they are not kidding.

The same is true in the Philippines. Do you live in a condo in Makati or a nipa hut so deep in the provinces that carabaos are beginning to look very very good to you?

Do you drive a motorbike or car or are you happy with trikes and jeepneys? Do you drink San Miguel or Red Horse? OK, there’s no financial different between those two.

Do you have one girl or five? While logically 5 should mean a higher budget, one can sometimes be more expensive. In my case the one I have would kill the other 4, so for me 1 is cheaper.

I can hear you all murmuring now: how much, how much, how much. So let me give you a few Dumaguete details and later on tell you why I think the question of “how much it costs” is irrelevant.

Rent: In Dumaguete it’s easy to rent an apartment or house for between 10k – 15k pesos, sometimes even less. Alright, for the lazy unwilling to Google the exchange rate, that’s about $200-300/month. You can certainly spend lots more, but you don’t have to.

Food: If you like to cook and eat simply, it’s easy to eat for between $100-200/month. If, like Janet and I, you like restaurants, it is actually not that much more expensive; perhaps add $100 to the budget. Janet and I rarely spend over 500P ($10) for dinner for two and often spend closer to 300P. Therefore sometimes it’s easier to eat out rather than cook.

Exception 1: If you require your favorite Western brands, and/or a weekly Australian steak, your budget will go up considerably. I hear British and German friends talk about obtaining their fave homeland foods and how much it costs. I roll my eyes. As an American there are three McDonalds and a really good sub shop in Duma, so I’m all set for American haute cuisine!

Exception 2: Do you have those 5 girlfriends I mentioned above? Then you’re not only feeding the girls, which isn’t that bad (they’re all tiny and eat like birds) but you’re feeding their friends and anyone in the restaurant who claims to be a friend. Expect your food budget to go up considerably.

Utilities: In the U.S. my electric and gas bill combined for about $200/month. Here I spend between 2500-3000P ($50-60) for electricity and that includes running an aircon most of the day. Our fiber Internet is about 2000P ($40). Janet and I pay about 600P ($12) for phone service. Garbage pickup is free in Valencia. Our Valencia water bill (and I am not making this up) has never been over 50P ($1) and sometimes there’s been no bill for the month at all. Of course Valencia water is only on about 2/3 of the time, but I still giggle whenever I get the bill. They actually pay someone to hand deliver the bill and pay cashiers to take your payment. It’s clearly a big money maker.
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Vices: If you smoke, cigarettes are dirt cheap. If you like beer, local San Miguel and Red Horse cost about 40P.  In short you can become a chain smoker and raging alcoholic without breaking your budget. I gotta get on it!

If you have a more sophisticated drinking habit, you can get nearly anything here. Johnny Walker Black Label is (I kid you not) available in any 7-11. Apparently there are many expats throughout the Philippines who go into 7-11s and get a pack of smokes, a bag of M&Ms, and a bottle of Johnny Walker Black!

Transportation: Trikes and Jeepneys are ridiculously cheap here in Duma and go most everywhere. OTOH gas is more expensive than in the US, so since I have a car, that is an expense. But my insurance bill is about half of what I paid in the U.S.

Most expats here have motorbikes, not cars. A lot of guys have told me they don’t have insurance because when you’re 75 and fall off a bike the last thing you’re thinking of is, ‘Yeah, but at least I’m well insured.’

Medical: Your view on medical expenses in the Philippines will vary dependent upon whether you are from the United Staes or nearly any other civilized Western country. If you’re from the U.S., Philippines medical expenses will seem dirt cheap. A doctor or dentist appointment will be $10 or less. Hospitalization will seem quite reasonable. But, if you’re from one of those Civilized countries where medical care is free, you may find the cost in the Philippines to be expensive. After all nothing can beat free.

Last week I had a doctor’s appointment. The visit was 500P (under $10) but the procedure she was going to do cost. The doctor apologized profusely about the cost. I wasn’t sure why. Turns out she studied in Canada, where the procedure would have been free. I explained that in the U.S. it would not have been free – far from it – and by all means let’s do it. I was not unhappy with the total price.

So depending on your budget and whether you have any kind of medical insurance (including PhilHealth) you may at some point find yourself hit with some serious  medical bills.

——————–

So let’s get back to why I think all the other estimates on costs in the Philippines are so nonsensical. Because, folks, it’s the wrong question. Most of us are retired and on some sort of fixed income. So the question isn’t “How much does it cost to live in the Philippines?” The question ought to be, “How much do I have and what kind of life will that support in the Philippines.”

Let’s say your Social Security check is $1000/month. That’s what you have and that’s all you have. There’s no point in wondering how much condos cost in Makati. So, can you live here on $1k/month? In Dumaguete you can. Now you won’t be living high on the hog and you can only afford one girl (OK, maybe two if you’re frugal) but you can do it. If you have an income of $2k/month you can live very well.

If you have followed this blog you know that there is no way I will ever tell you how much Janet and I make or how much we have. What are we – idiots? But while it’s not a lot, we have enough to deny ourselves nothing, have some extra for travel, and Janet gets to eat lechon at least occasionally.

There’s another fault that I see guys make when calculating a budget. They only take into account their standard monthly bills: rent, utilities, food, gas, medical, etc.

I’m not just talking about major medical emergencies, which can be budget killers. I’m talking about normal shit that happens all the time, but when you worked you had enough extra to cover it: your phone dies, your car breaks down, you need new tires for your bike, you have to pay to extend your visa, you need to hire someone to clean your pool (ok, bad example).

If you’ve budgeted well you’ve added a pad to cover those life extras. If not, then pretty soon they eat into your monthly bills and that’s when you hear guys complain about how it’s really expensive in the Philippines. It’s not if you apply just a little bit of caution.

 

 

 

“Never Can Say Goodbye”

OK, this post might come off as a little bit maudlin or saccharine. I’ll try to joke it up but no promises.

A couple days ago we met with some friends at a restaurant. One of those friends moved away a few years back but comes to Portland every couple months on business, so he organizes the get together. In this case I think that Janet and I were more the objects du jour. It was probably the last time we will see many of these people – at least until we return periodically to the US.

Of course Janet has invited everyone we know to come visit us in Dumaguete, but I’m a cynic and am not counting on everyone to take her up on the offer.

I suspect I’m like most guys – I don’t do goodbyes well. While the girls hugged and lingered at the end of the party, I shook a couple hands, said some meaningless stuff or didn’t say anything at all. After 64 years I still don’t know what to say. In the era of Facebook all I could say is “Watch us on Facebook, and the blog (and vlog)” which of course everyone said they would do.

We’ve also met some special friends for dinner. It’s like a farewell tour without the gifts at each stop. Tonight we meet with our next door neighbors. Thai food I am told. “You have to eat,” everyone says. We will talk about our upcoming adventures. I will bitch about my house closing, which is a bit delayed. But in the end we will shake hands and hug. It’s tough to know what to say. I think Janet’s better at it than me.

I may be old but I’m not all that sentimental. Some friends I will miss, some I won’t, others I will laugh about or at. And some I will get to see when we return to Portland; and maybe some I will see in the Philippines.

One thing about being retired is that we can meet them without much notice. So, someone is coming into Cebu – we can arrange a day in Cebu. Boracay? I’m there. Palawan? I’ll arrive before they do!

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This story comes under the category of the flexibility and practicality of my wife. The amount of stuff we will be bringing is much greater than a normal vacation. Each of us will have two stuffed suitcases. I am bringing my guitar. I will need to grow a third arm – and soon. We booked our tickets to Cebu and then a ticket from Cebu to Dumaguete. But after booking I realized the Cebu Pacific flight only allows 20 kg. I went back and looked it up; some flights have a 20kg max and this is a prop plane. Janet suggested we take the bus south to the tip of Cebu and then ferry to Dumaguete. I said “are you sure. We will have a 21 hour flight and then a 5 hour bus ride.” She was sure! Besides, we could stop in her hometown of Alcoy for the night and rest at our favorite, the BBB. And of course we could see the family while at the BBB. Something tells me I’d better sleep on the plane.


Speaking of the house closing delay. I planned this thing so well. Waited to book the tickets. Gave us 10 days padding between the closing and the flight, just in case. Finally even our real estate agent was confident enough to tell us “your safe to book your tickets now” and so I did. Flight leaves the night of the 30th. So guess what? Yesterday we hear the closing is delayed based on a paper work error. We may close as late as the 28th! Don’t these people know that I’m old and might keel over from the stress?

But don’t worry – nothing’s gonna stop us now.

 

Why I don’t Blog/Vlog for Cash and Prizes

“It’s a slippery slope” or “once you go down this path” or some such cliche but what I am referring to is the growing number of Philippines expat blogs and vlogs that ask subscribers for money. Now I don’t want to judge anyone who does this; they may need the money to supplement their income. Or they may legitimately be involved in projects that help Filipinos and accept donations toward that end. Or they may owe their shabu dealer. But it’s a slippery slope – there, I’ve said it again.

As we get very close to moving to the Philippines Janet and I have discussed what we might like to do to help (in some modest way) Filipinos in our new community. But the one thing we have decided is that whatever we do we won’t be begging you, dear readers, for money.

Now, I had an experience that gave me some insight into the subtle power that we have in this new media of blogs and vlogs and how the dark side can tempt you (queue Darth Vader breathing).

About a year ago I posted a piece about a neighborhood in Cebu City which was destroyed by fire. My young BIL lived there and his apartment was destroyed. He lost all his possessions (clothing and rice cooker charred to a crisp). Janet and I immediately decided we would send him a little money to help him get back to normal.

The next day I got a note from a subscriber asking if he could “help.” I was taken aback; I didn’t know what to say. “How much?” I finally asked. In the end without thinking much about it, he Paypaled me a little cash and we included that in our donation to my BIL’s recovery. I was shocked, surprised and delighted that someone would care enough to help. But it all happened so fast that I didn’t think of the ramifications.

The next day Janet suggested that I should do a follow-up blog to thank the generous subscriber. That seemed like the right thing to do but I hesitated. I finally told Janet, “I can’t figure out a way to write a thank you without implying that the rest of my deadbeat subscribers ought to do the same.” What if they take it as a subtle hint and I end up with $1000 in donations? I’m repeating myself, but it’s a slippery slope. Of course then we could get my BIL a Zojirushi rice cooker, a 10-cupper with all the bells and whistles!

So in the end I did nothing. I thanked my newly found friend again privately and BTW, we’ve remained friends ever since but I never thanked him publicly. But I am now although I won’t embarrass him by naming names. Thank you anonymous donor for your generosity.
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So dear readers be assured that if you too send me money I won’t embarrass you by thanking you by name. No, no – that didn’t come out right. What I mean to say is that if you want to send me money to put in the slots at the Waterfront Mactan Hotel and call it a donation – no, no – that won’t work either.

What I really mean to say is that I won’t ask for your money. I’m a rich kano and don’t need it.

The point of my story is that I understand that it can be tempting. A stranger you’ve never met sends you money over the Internet. Since Janet and I are good people we used the money for a good purpose. But where is the fine line between getting cash and doing a good deed and holding my hand out hoping (and perhaps begging) for a little more cash. That’s a fine line I don’t wish to cross.

I admire the way that many bloggers and vloggers do it. They don’t ask for donations but once in a while mention that someone sent them a box of supplies to help kids. Or they use the small amount of Adsense money they earn to help someone. But some guys have crossed that invisible line and it gives me the creeps. You can hear them subtlety hint for things that they need in order to help others. “Boy, a 60″ flat screen would sure help with our charity work.”

But as I say, I understand from my tiny experience how easy it is to be seduced. So for me it’s easier to “just say no.”

But if you insist, well I don’t want to insult you, so…is PayPal good for you?

How to Be a Smart Traveler and Live to See Your Home Country Again

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The “Outdoor Plumbing” and Bladder Retention Issue

Note: We’ve got a shiny new (ok, not so new) YouTube Channel, called, Married a Filipina. Please check it out and subscribe as I post more videos! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC_1lUo3tR9-JQK3gXLRkYag

I spent part of this morning reading some of my old blog postings. I know, I know – spending time reading my old scribblings proves I have a thrilling life! My readings included a piece called, Meet the Parents. Feel free to go back and read it; it’s a good ‘un.

I described the first time I met Janet’s family and her fear of my reaction to the home she grew up in, her “old” parents (who were younger than me). She also warned me about the lack of indoor plumbing in their home, and here I’ll quote what I wrote a couple years ago about the experience. “Of course there was no indoor plumbing and I was told by Janet to avoid using the outhouse. Thanks goodness that at my advanced age bladder retention is still – well, retained.”

I found, as I described in that previous blog, that her modest home was perfectly nice and her parents were not old looking or acting, or at least not as geriatric as the guy she was going to marry 🙂

But I avoided the “outhouse” and continued to avoid it for years and the many times I visited the family home. And Janet continued to mention over the years that I should avoid the bathroom. This led to a curious, though effective scheduling scenario every time we went to their home based on the fact that I was confident that bladder retention could be retained for perhaps  half a day. So, if a late afternoon dinner was planned, we might arrive in the early afternoon and leave in the early evening, just in time for me to get back to our hotel, the famous BBB (Bodos Bamboo Bar) so that I could do my best imitation of Tom Hanks in the Green Mile.

I suppose that if asked I would admit that I was afraid of what I might find or what I might smell in that large concrete structure. Honestly, images of the kid hiding in the outhouse in Schindler’s List came to mind. And no, I will not post a video of that scene; no need to thank me. That image kept me far away from the bathroom. It also kept me from drinking too many San Miguels at Janet’s ancestral home, which disappointed the men in the family, who might have wanted to see the kano get hammered.

But over the years I had my doubts. After all, I was now married to Janet and knew her to be a very meticulous, cleanly person. I had been around her sisters enough to know that they were the same way. So how, I wondered, could they stand it? Poverty forces difficult sacrifices, I told myself as I forced the Schindler’s List image out of my mind for the hundredth time.

This past April, we spent a week in Alcoy. The last day lunch was scheduled at the ancestral home with the required lechon. I had always expressed a desire to see how they did it and Janet asked if I wanted to go early and see what the lechon guy did. So, we arrived around 10:30 and watched the lechon guy perform his magic. You can see a video of that and some other Alcoy fun here. By 12:00 the happy barangay was being fed.

Me and my lechon friend.
Me and my lechon friend.

After lunch, I proceeded to consume 3 glasses of Red Horse with my father in law and Lolo; a bit more than would normally be prudent, but it was my last day in Alcoy. Games happened, talk happened. 4:00 arrived and Janet and I actually took a mini nap. Upon awakening at 4:30 I knew I was in trouble and woke up Janet quickly and said “we have to go.” Janet awoke and slowly complied but of course, since this was our last day in Alcoy we had to say our goodbyes – to everyone. I felt embarrassed by how quickly I was saying goodbye to the family.

Now you might be wondering, this being the Philippines, and deep in the provinces, why I didn’t just head off and find a place to do my business. I mean that’s certainly culturally appropriate in the Philippines.

The reason is that my mother in law and everyone else in the family keeps an eye on me like a hawk. Just the day before I was going to go back to the BBB and Janet was going to stay for dinner. I got up to leave. My MIL insisted that I have the kids accompany me to the main road where I would get a trike. I assured her that I knew the way and had been successfully walking on my own since my 30s. No dice. Ten kids accompanied me.

So I knew I could not just sneak off to find a place to pee.  I rushed Janet, we quickly said our goodbyes, hit the trail toward the main road, accompanied by the kids, and grabbed a trike. A little bit after 5:00 I was back at the BBB again pulling my Tom Hanks impression. OK, “pulling” is a bit inappropriate 🙂

But Janet was upset. “Why did you have to rush us,” she demanded to know.

“Because I had to pee – badly!” I said.
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“So why didn’t you just use the bathroom?”

“What!” I yelled. “Because you’ve told me for years that I should never never use it – that it was awful.”

“It’s perfectly fine,” she shot back, surprised.

“It doesn’t stink?”

“No.”

“It’s not like, you know –  Schindler’s List?” I asked.

“Huh?”

So, first I insisted that Janet acknowledge that she in fact had repeatedly told me over the years that I should never use it. She finally laughed and admitted she had said that. I then screwed up my courage and asked her to describe the environment.

Turns out my image of splintery planks with crude holes in them was not quite accurate. In fact there were standard toilets and no smell. The only adjustment you’d have to make is that, as in many places in the Philippines, including a couple of hotel rooms we’ve stayed in, a bucket of water and a ladle sits next to the toilet and that’s what’s used to get it to flush.

There was no sense in busting Janet too much for her deception. I understood that just as she had described her home as poor and terrible and her parents as old and poor, this was her way to protect me from the reality of her upbringing.

Next time I go to Alcoy I’m going to overdo the San Miguel and do my best Tom Hanks impression right there. Just don’t expect a video 🙂

 

 

 

 

Update on Move to Philippines

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“You Don’t Look Like a Drug Dealer…”

I’ve never been one of those paranoid people who believe that the media controls everything and everyone.  We are all human beings and control our own thoughts and destinies. I may have to change my mind.

As an aside, like most American husbands I know who actually controls everything and everyone – my wife. Just kidding, honey 🙂

I’ve been visiting the Philippines for about 5 years now and have been there 8 or 9 times (I’ve lost track). I’ve married a Filipina and as probably many of you know we’re intending to retire in the Philippines next year.

With few exceptions, nobody I know ever said squat. “Where are you going on vacation, Dave.” “The Philippines.” Nothing – crickets. Or maybe, “The Philippines again? You must like it there.”

When I would return I’d get the standard, “How was your vacation?” questions and the standard, “Glad you had a good time.” And that was it.

Let’s face it, most Americans know more about the changing shape and size of Kim Kardashian’s loboot than they do about the Philippines.  They know it’s a tropical island (ok, 7107 islands to be anally precise but who’s counting). They think it’s sort of in Asia. And if they are old enough they vaguely know something about MacArthur returning there, though since he’s long dead it’s possible that ain’t gonna happen.

That’s about it.

But all it takes is for Philippines President, Rodrigo Duterte, to kill a few (ok, a few thousand) drug dealers, and talk a little smack about President Obama and now everyone I know is an expert on the Philippines.

“That guy’s a loose canon.” I’ve heard that comment often enough that I have to assume CNN is promoting it as the new slogan for Philippines’ tourism, replacing “It’s more fun in the Philippines.” Frankly with Duterte in office I think it is more fun in the Philippines, but then I love Scorcese movies and the Taken series . My son and I once counted the number of people Liam Neeson killed in Taken and let’s just say he could be very useful in the Philippines. I wouldn’t be surprised if he gets a call.

Janet also has gotten a negative remark or two and handles them with her normal graceful aplomb – by reaming the remarker with a new one 🙂

And of course I have also gotten plenty of, “Are you still thinking of moving there?” followed by a roll of the eyes and a mumbled, ‘That guy’s crazy.’

This rose to the height of bizarre nonsense just the other day. As part of the downsizing of all my junk, which I recently documented here, I sold off my Nikon cameras, lenses, flashes, bags and associated crap. I decided to go the typical old geezer or traveling geezer route with a point and shoot camera. Of course having owned plenty of nice cameras in my life I wanted a good one that I could still get decent pics from and use for vlogging. And BTW, you should all get ready to be inundated with fascinating videos to come on my YouTube Channel here!

I chose the camera I wanted, found that Best Buy had an open boxed one at a discount and Janet and I headed over. As I’m playing with the camera, I’m telling the salesman what I will be up to as a soon to be retiree. Of course he’s glancing at the old guy’s cute wife, but at this point in my life that just comes with the territory.

For more information, please visit 99eyao website: See aricles like Painful Ejaculation Caused By Prostatitis Can Be Cured By Diuretic and Anti-inflammatory sildenafil discount Pill: Vaginal discharge generally refers to leukorrhea from the vagina. EDF the Britain’s largest electricity viagra cipla learn this here now supplier will pay back a paltry 50 to households who were mis-sold contracts on the doorstep. There are two reasons behind this condition; a premature loss of eggs from the order cialis overnight ovaries or an autoimmune response. Sit in relaxed body posture, concentrate on your breath. online levitra prescription http://appalachianmagazine.com/2014/12/28/dingess-one-of-west-virginias-most-lawless-regions-at-the-turn-of-the-century/ “Where in Asia are you retiring?” he asks.

“The Philippines,” I say and pointed to Janet adding, “that’s where my wife’s from.”

“Well at least you and your wife don’t look like drug dealers. I guess you’ll be safe.”

“I take it you watch CNN,” I replied giggling. “OK, I’ll take the camera. You can watch me dodge bullets on YouTube.”

I guess the point is that people who didn’t know the Philippines from a hole in the wall now are experts. I find myself defending the country, Duterte and our future plans. Now as a defensive guy I don’t mind doing that but when you are debating it only works if the other person knows something about the subject. Someone who’s only seen a 30 second sound bite knows nothing about the Philippines.

“I hear that loose canon’s gonna kick all the American military out of the South part of the Philippines,” a co-worker informed me. She actually said it like it was a bad thing.

“I guess at your age they won’t confuse you with American military,” she added positively.

“Yeah, I might be able to pass.”

Although if I start smoking a pipe in the Philippines I suspect I could pass for MacArthur.

P.S. If you’re wondering why I posted the particular pic of Pres. Duterte above, which has nothing to do with the drug wars or his row with Pres. Obama, it’s because I think it represents the real Duterte – which is a very good thing!

 

 

 

Guitarmaking in the Philippines

One of the questions I get often is, “What the hell are you going to do when you retire?” Of the many things that concern me getting ready to retire (when, where, how much cash will we need) this is one that I don’t worry about too much.

For one thing I am very good at being lazy. Spend an entire Sunday watching movies or surfing the Net – no problem. Spend three weeks on vacation in the Philippines hitting every beach, drinking San Miguels, trying to understand Filipinos, having fun with Janet and her family –  why can’t it be four weeks.

I work hard but don’t live to work!

But I am unusual in that not only do I have a lazy character but I also have an obsessive one. I set up and began this blog 1 1/2 years ago while on my 8-week sabbatical from work, intending for it to be one of my obsessions when I retire.

In short, when I get interested in something I get obsessive. Find a writer I like; next thing you know I have read all his books. Discover the Philippines; next thing you know I’ve visited 8 times and gotten married to my lovely Janet. This seems to be my pattern. Between being lazy and being obsessive I rarely suffer from boredom.

Twenty years ago when my son was a newborn, I got the wild idea to make a guitar. You would think that between running a business and caring for a baby I would have had enough to do but apparently I didn’t. I bought the one book in existence on how to build a jazz archtop guitar and told my then wife that I was going to do it.

She rolled her eyes and said, “Well, no loud power tools and nasty wood dust. We have a baby, you know.”

“No problem. The book tells you how to do it with hand tools.”

So as insane as it sounds, looking back on it, I began. I hit garage sales to buy old, cheap hand tools, obtained the materials and followed along with the book. Of course I had a baby and a nursing wife so any work I did in my 90 year old, bug infested basement, I did after the baby and mother were asleep. The obsession bit quickly and I was often up until past 1:00 AM happily working on the guitar and cleaning up any blood from the frequent self-inflicted injuries. Then up in the middle of the night for baby feeding, and up again around 6:00 to begin the day.

A year later I had a finished archtop. When I showed it around people would compliment me and ask, “Why did you choose the most difficult type of guitar to make as your first guitar?”

The answer? “Because I was too stupid to know it was the most difficult type of guitar to make.”

For the next seven years I spent nearly every night (early morning really) working in my shop building guitars and accumulating tools. Finally between a change in work, divorce, moving, caring for two kids and trying to make money, the guitarmaking came to an end. The tools and materials sat in my new basement, along with a 3/4 completed archtop. Other obsessions had taken over but when friends asked I told them I intended to get back to it in retirement.

Yes, you're right - I'm younger here :)
Yes, you’re right – I’m younger here 🙂

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Over the past 6 months, downsizing in preparation for retirement, I have gone through my shop and sold off some of my tools. As an obsessive it was not unusual for me to buy 5 of a tool I only needed 1 of. So I sold the excess off on ebay, taking the money and putting it into my retirement war chest. But as I brought the tools out of the basement, prepared them for sale, showed them to Janet and explained what they were for or reminisced about the great deal I had gotten, I realized how much I had missed guitarmaking.

Chris Laarman finger planes on rough archtop top.
Chris Laarman finger planes on rough archtop top.

2 finger and 1 palm plane by Legendary English plane maker, Bill Carter.
2 finger and 1 palm plane by Legendary English plane maker, Bill Carter.

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More importantly my wonderful Janet realized it too. “We still have plenty of time. Why don’t you finish that guitar in the basement?”

I knew myself too well and knew I couldn’t just spend a little time on the hobby; that like the old “bet you can’t eat just one” chip commercials, I would be unable to hold back the obsession. So I resisted.

Now, I own a couple of my own guitars including that first one. I’ve seen it daily for 19 years and never liked the finish on it and could see some of the woodworking imperfections.

After building that one I developed a co-obsession: French Polishing. It’s a very old form of wood finishing and perfect for my obsessive nature: time consuming, hand done and with natural materials. I studied and learned everything I could about it and from then on it became my guitar finishing method.

So I thought, ‘It won’t be too hard to sand the finish off guitar #1, fix most of the woodworking imperfections and French Polish it.” Janet was all for it and as a Filipina with a business administration degree said, “then you can sell it and take the money and buy supplies for more guitars.”

Ready for French Polishing.
Ready for French Polishing.

I began and of course it was like I had never left. The older hands, eyes and muscles quickly remembered. Immediately I began to think of the type of shop I might have in retirement. A nipa hut in the backyard?

BTW, guitarmaking is a growing concern in the Philippines. There are several well known builders in Mactan, Cebu. I’ve been there and watched them a couple times and the methods are fascinating. For one thing, their work bench is often the ground.

At least he's not standing like I do.
At least he’s not standing like I do.

I can't understand how they let it bake in the hot sun.
I can’t understand how they let it bake in the hot sun.

I was speaking to a guitar playing friend who’d visited the Philippines a couple times. “Why not teach classes on guitarmaking?” he asked. I thought that might be impractical (too long a class) but thought that a day class on French Polishing or other traditional woodworking methods might be fun to do. So that will be part of the obsession. Janet immediately volunteered to provide lunch to the students!

 

 

 

 

 

Tell Us Where to Go (Again)

Last year, at just about this exact time, I posted, Tell Us Where to Go, a request for input on your favorite places to visit in the Philippines. We ended up traveling to Boracay, Camiguin, and did a couple days in Moalboal, in addition to our standard week in Alcoy, Cebu.

Well, it’s Back to the Future, folks and I am looking for more recommendations.

First the good news. We booked 3 weeks in April. The flight prices from Portland to Cebu were substantially less than last year and any of the other 7 or 8 times I have gone to the Philippines. Whether this was the luck of the draw, because of the decreasing oil prices, or my brilliant shopping skills, I don’t know. But if you were thinking of visiting the Philippines this is a great time to check out the flights. A $300/per ticket savings was a pretty compelling argument for us to book our next trip.

As always, we will spend a week in Alcoy, Cebu. Janet will get to see her family, as will I, but I also look forward to Tingko Beach, Dalaguete, Oslob and the whale sharks we didn’t see last year.

I also look forward to not cutting my damn hand like I did last year.

We will also spend a  week in the Dumaguete area. Since there is a good chance that Dumaguete will be our retirement destination, it’s time to check it out further. We will again see the city and Valencia. If anyone has any recommendations about other towns in the vicinity, please let us know!

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Now, Janet worked and went to school in Leyte for five years, and every time I have asked if she would like to return and show me the place she spent these important years, I get – the look!

We have a friend, who I suspect will weigh in on this posting, who owns a small resort in Maasin, Leyte. He asks every year if we are coming and I reply not to count on it. So Janet even hinting she’s interested in going to Leyte is a big step.

Here’s a link to an article on Kalanggaman – supposed to be a great island off Leyte: http://www.thetravelingnomad.com/2016/01/better-leyte-than-never-kalanggaman.html

Me? I am interested in any place fun, off the beaten track. And if it’s cheap, all the better.

So. what do you all think? Tell us where to go – we can take it!